Sticking it to Perfectionism
We've just finished a very busy week at our home which included a week-long visit from my sister and her husband from up north, and the beautiful wedding of a family friend. It's now time to get back to "normal life"...and yet, when is life ever truly "normal"?
"My normal" seems to be constantly in flux. On a week-by-week basis, I'm constantly being stretched to be flexible...to find that balance between structure and flexibility that allows me to put my highest priority of the moment first. As I alluded to in the last post, I'm a recovering perfectionist. Let's just say that "flexibility" doesn't always come naturally to one such as myself! Instead, my natural inclination is to become embroiled in a project and not come for air until it's finished "properly". By which time, of course, my husband and dog have starved to death, and the remainder of my house is in shambles.
Out of curiosity...how many of you are fellow recovering perfectionists? Last night, Micah jokingly suggested that I should start a "Recovering Perfectionist Support Website". The funny thing is, I'd already been seriously considering adding a page or category or something about learning to overcome perfectionism to this site, as it's something that can really trip up homemakers! (Oh, how I know!) For those of you who don't struggle with this particular malady, don't worry...you'll be sure to find me lamenting one you DO deal with at some point...just give me another week or two;o)
"My normal" seems to be constantly in flux. On a week-by-week basis, I'm constantly being stretched to be flexible...to find that balance between structure and flexibility that allows me to put my highest priority of the moment first. As I alluded to in the last post, I'm a recovering perfectionist. Let's just say that "flexibility" doesn't always come naturally to one such as myself! Instead, my natural inclination is to become embroiled in a project and not come for air until it's finished "properly". By which time, of course, my husband and dog have starved to death, and the remainder of my house is in shambles.
Out of curiosity...how many of you are fellow recovering perfectionists? Last night, Micah jokingly suggested that I should start a "Recovering Perfectionist Support Website". The funny thing is, I'd already been seriously considering adding a page or category or something about learning to overcome perfectionism to this site, as it's something that can really trip up homemakers! (Oh, how I know!) For those of you who don't struggle with this particular malady, don't worry...you'll be sure to find me lamenting one you DO deal with at some point...just give me another week or two;o)
Labels: Perfectionism
11 Comments:
I hear ya! One area I especially struggle in with perfectionism is hospitality. I think that my house needs to be PRISTINE before anyone can come over--not a speck of dirt out of line. I tend to tell myself that this is rolling out the red carpet for a guest when in reality it's PRIDE, wanting others to think that I normally live in such a perfect environment. (Yeah right!) That kind of attitude also serves as a barrier to having people into my home (I don't have time to get everything perfect! Ack!!) A friend's post here gave me a better perspective: http://www.xanga.com/SalmonMe/587131754/this-sunday.html Perfectionism is very much a spiritual thing! Only the Lord can help us achieve balance.
[said with hand raised] My name is Kerry and I'm a recovering perfectionist. What are the next 11 steps?
Looking forward to more great posts!
Ouch... well, can't say that you got that from me...as I still have my own issues with perfectionism! ;-) As the years have gone by I've learned to let go of a lot of the things that I used to think were so imperative. I am afraid, however, that you girls saw too much of my earlier struggles modeled as I bumbled my way through. I think the biggest thing that has helped me on my own road to "recovery" are the lessons I've picked up from Flylady: #1) Plan ahead #2) break jobs down into small segments that fit into snippets of available time and #3) Clean up after myself-each and every time so things don't build up. We often don't have hours of time to block out for the current project at hand...but we sure can get a lot done over the long haul by taking 15 minutes here and 10 minutes there! I constantly have to remember these tips and reassess what my current priority should be. It all begins in the mind. Steph was right on target when she said: "Perfectionism is very much a spiritual thing". I'm glad you are dealing with these issues now while you are still young...you'll get it under control much sooner than I did! Welcome back to bloggityville, love ya, Mom
Well drat that xanga for being down just when I'm telling everyone to look at the beautiful bride!
It was so good to see you at the wedding and before the party on Tuesday. A double dose of Erin in one week!
Hang in there with the perfectionism thing. The Lord always manages to find ways to keep me humble in that area. Embroiled in a project and not coming up for air? Sounds just like yo mama!
Woohoo! I'm not the only one!;o)
Stephanie...thanks for the article! I tried to read it, but xanga was down. Will try again soon!
Mom...you're right about your perfectionism when we were younger, but don't underestimate the MUCH BETTER example you're exhibiting now that you've grown in this area. No doubt some of my motivation to work on this comes from you!
Ms Renee...I really enjoyed all the wedding festivities of last week and seeing you guys! BTW, a little bird told me that many of the wedding shots turned out really well...I can't wait to see them!
I struggle with what Steph said.--When I have company I want everything to be 'pristinely perfect'. And I also agree with her when she said that it's nothing but dirty, sticking, pride!!
I am with you! And when you add a toddler who is slowly dropping a nap....what's normal? Who said we have to lead "normal" lives? I am with you in recovering perfectionist land though!
Ahh, pride. Yup...unfortunately. So, when somebody comes over to my house and it's invariably NOT pristinely perfect, I'm usually apologizing profusely and wincing when they ask to use the restroom...that sort of thing. Do you ladies think we should just not say anything at all about it and hope they don't notice? :op
Rachel, I can't even imagine how much adding children to the mix must shake up "normal"! But "normal" is a little boring, so that's a good thing, right?:o)
"Do you ladies think we should just not say anything at all about it and hope they don't notice?" Good question, Erin. I have tried over the past few years to stop trying to apologize for any "mess" people may find when they enter our home (and trust me...as you well know, there have been some doozies!). Instead I am working on drawing them in with a welcoming spirit and sincere hospitality...focusing on THEM and being thankful that they chose to visit US. (This puts the focus on the people and relationship, not the current state of our house) When I mention the house, it draws attention to it...and away from my thankfulness that they have stopped in for a personal visit. You KNOW I totally understand where you are coming from...and I still cringe inside when I realize what "image" my messy home portrays. But our focus should be on people and not image. I use that as motivation to do a better job of keeping my "hot spots" picked up and doing a better job of picking up after myself. I've never been good at that and it's been a difficult cycle to break. Being "company ready" is definitely harder when you have one common bathroom to offer your guests or when, as Rachel states, you have little ones actively undoing what you are trying so hard to keep "picked up". These are the challenges of life! :-) I have tried to identify certain "public areas" that I try to keep in good order so I don't have to be embarrassed if someone were to drop by. In our home it is the dining room table, the kitchen counters and the guest bath. If we ever get our living room put back together, that area will be included as well. On my "good days", I don't allow myself to do anything else before I do a quick pick up in these "hot spots". Then I can go ahead and start whatever project I have for the day. Even if other areas are messy...having these main areas clean gives our home a lived in, but orderly feel. Thank you dear for your encouraging words that you can notice my “improvements” in this area. I wish I could have learned these lessons years ago! Now that my comment has turned into a book...I'll sign off! LOL Love, Mom
This sounds like a good focus and balance...and DO think you're becoming very good at doing this now!:o)
Hey Erin, I came over from your Mom's blog. Fun that you started one!
I've posted several times about perfectionism. So it was great to read this post.
Sandy
For Reluctant Entertainers
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