Update and some thoughts about struggling
Quick update on the pregnancy, and then maybe my hormone-addled brain can come up with something else to say;o)
I'm at about 8-1/2 weeks, and so far everything is going well. Just a few more weeks before I enter the 2nd trimester...I'm excited to reach that milestone! My fatigue continues, and the nausea has gotten worse, but so far I've been lucky enough to avoid throwing up.
An anonymous commenter suggested that I get my thyroid checked out, and I did take that advice. While it's true that I deal with many of the symptoms associated with a thyroid condition, we're very grateful that my THS blood level turned out to be exactly in the middle of the normal range. My midwife suggested that my symptoms are probably due to some other hormone imbalance that will hopefully correct itself with this pregnancy or with the right supplementation. I'm also hoping to start exercising a little more regularly, so Micah and I are looking into the possibility of getting a used treadmill. I would LOVE to have one, although it will be no easy task finding a place to put it in our tiny house!:op
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moving on, I had something else I wanted to share. The last year or so has not been an easy one for me, due in large part to our infertility struggle. I know I cannot possibly compare our experience of waiting 1.5 years to conceive with that of those who wait several years, or who are diagnosed with medical conditions that make conception impossible or unlikely, but the pain of unfulfilled longing is there nonetheless. And when you have not been tested for or diagnosed with any problems but still go months (which turns into a year and then starts inching towards two) without conceiving, it becomes difficult to deal with the ongoing uncertainty and frustration and worry. Innocent queries or teasing by well-meaning people become very painful. I also began finding it difficult to visit mommy-blogs, because all those pictures of sweet babies and cute kid anecdotes just reminded me that I was without one of my own.
Why am I sharing this? Well, it's certainly not to make any moms feel bad about posting those baby pictures! I'm sure that if God brings our little one safely into the world next May, I won't be able to keep from sharing my joy through pictures and stories, either! I know from experience that such things can be a source of sadness for someone, however, and I hope I never forget what that ache feels like, or cause unecessary pain through careless words or an unfeeling attitude.
This whole ordeal for me has been a firm reminder that I should never take my blessings for granted. There is always somebody who would give anything to have something that I have, and sometimes don't appreciate nearly enough. It's also a reminder that nobody is without some pain or struggle in their life...even when that pain isn't visible on the outside. In our case, Micah and I chose to deal with this struggle privately, with the exception of telling just a few close family members and friends. We have other struggles which we have been more open about--such as our overwhelming burden of school debt which has and is causing a lot of hardship--because we hope that our experience and the things we've learned can help keep others from having to going through the same things. But whether out in the open or not, everybody has some pain or difficulty. There is no such thing as a "perfect life" on this earth.
It's easy for me to look at some other person's life as portrayed on their blog and come away with the misconception that that person never struggles, or has it completely "all together" in a way that I never will. And even though I greatly value genuine authenticity, it's sometimes just a little too easy for me to portray only the happy and cheerful side of life on my own blog, rubbing off those jagged little corners that so inconveniently show that I'm a fallen person in need of God's grace. I don't want to do that! I don't want to have a blog full of gloom and doom either, because really...who wants to read that...but I want to be honest about the bad as well as the wonderful.
Let me just say this right now (!): I'll never be one of those energizer-bunny moms who accomplishes 1,265,788.7 things everyday. I'm terrible at waking up early, although I hope to soon be able to stop sleeping in until noon (can I just blame this on the pregnancy?). I'm naturally a perfectionist, and this is BAD. I'm not some SuperChristian who memorizes new Bible verses every week, and my prayers are too often hasty or forgotten. And my house looks like a pigsty right now, because I've completely let myself fall off the organization band-wagon (again, I'm hoping I can blame this on the pregnancy!). Over the past several months, I've been a horrible blogger...very bad at writing posts and answering comments in a timely manner. I won't go on...you get the point!
Whew...I'm glad to get that out of my system. Now I can go do those piled-up dishes so I'll actually be able to cook tomorrow...and yes, it is 11:00 at night!;o)
I'm at about 8-1/2 weeks, and so far everything is going well. Just a few more weeks before I enter the 2nd trimester...I'm excited to reach that milestone! My fatigue continues, and the nausea has gotten worse, but so far I've been lucky enough to avoid throwing up.
An anonymous commenter suggested that I get my thyroid checked out, and I did take that advice. While it's true that I deal with many of the symptoms associated with a thyroid condition, we're very grateful that my THS blood level turned out to be exactly in the middle of the normal range. My midwife suggested that my symptoms are probably due to some other hormone imbalance that will hopefully correct itself with this pregnancy or with the right supplementation. I'm also hoping to start exercising a little more regularly, so Micah and I are looking into the possibility of getting a used treadmill. I would LOVE to have one, although it will be no easy task finding a place to put it in our tiny house!:op
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moving on, I had something else I wanted to share. The last year or so has not been an easy one for me, due in large part to our infertility struggle. I know I cannot possibly compare our experience of waiting 1.5 years to conceive with that of those who wait several years, or who are diagnosed with medical conditions that make conception impossible or unlikely, but the pain of unfulfilled longing is there nonetheless. And when you have not been tested for or diagnosed with any problems but still go months (which turns into a year and then starts inching towards two) without conceiving, it becomes difficult to deal with the ongoing uncertainty and frustration and worry. Innocent queries or teasing by well-meaning people become very painful. I also began finding it difficult to visit mommy-blogs, because all those pictures of sweet babies and cute kid anecdotes just reminded me that I was without one of my own.
Why am I sharing this? Well, it's certainly not to make any moms feel bad about posting those baby pictures! I'm sure that if God brings our little one safely into the world next May, I won't be able to keep from sharing my joy through pictures and stories, either! I know from experience that such things can be a source of sadness for someone, however, and I hope I never forget what that ache feels like, or cause unecessary pain through careless words or an unfeeling attitude.
This whole ordeal for me has been a firm reminder that I should never take my blessings for granted. There is always somebody who would give anything to have something that I have, and sometimes don't appreciate nearly enough. It's also a reminder that nobody is without some pain or struggle in their life...even when that pain isn't visible on the outside. In our case, Micah and I chose to deal with this struggle privately, with the exception of telling just a few close family members and friends. We have other struggles which we have been more open about--such as our overwhelming burden of school debt which has and is causing a lot of hardship--because we hope that our experience and the things we've learned can help keep others from having to going through the same things. But whether out in the open or not, everybody has some pain or difficulty. There is no such thing as a "perfect life" on this earth.
It's easy for me to look at some other person's life as portrayed on their blog and come away with the misconception that that person never struggles, or has it completely "all together" in a way that I never will. And even though I greatly value genuine authenticity, it's sometimes just a little too easy for me to portray only the happy and cheerful side of life on my own blog, rubbing off those jagged little corners that so inconveniently show that I'm a fallen person in need of God's grace. I don't want to do that! I don't want to have a blog full of gloom and doom either, because really...who wants to read that...but I want to be honest about the bad as well as the wonderful.
Let me just say this right now (!): I'll never be one of those energizer-bunny moms who accomplishes 1,265,788.7 things everyday. I'm terrible at waking up early, although I hope to soon be able to stop sleeping in until noon (can I just blame this on the pregnancy?). I'm naturally a perfectionist, and this is BAD. I'm not some SuperChristian who memorizes new Bible verses every week, and my prayers are too often hasty or forgotten. And my house looks like a pigsty right now, because I've completely let myself fall off the organization band-wagon (again, I'm hoping I can blame this on the pregnancy!). Over the past several months, I've been a horrible blogger...very bad at writing posts and answering comments in a timely manner. I won't go on...you get the point!
Whew...I'm glad to get that out of my system. Now I can go do those piled-up dishes so I'll actually be able to cook tomorrow...and yes, it is 11:00 at night!;o)
Labels: My Life, On Struggling
12 Comments:
I admit it is easy to make life seem easier than it is when it comes to blogging. Sometimes it's good to post about struggles you are having just to keep things real. It's also easy to come away from the computer screen feeling discouraged because it "seems" like so and so does a million things at once with no problem. Blogging is such a blessing but we don't really "know" the struggles in each others lives to the full extent which is always good to keep in mind. I think part of the reason is because it's more fun to post about the good things in life :)
In regards to your fertility struggle, I can relate to your feelings. Jim and I tried(or rather didn't prevent) having a baby from the day we were married until our first anniversary. I remember months and months of thinking I might be pregnant and then being disappointed when it didn't happen. I also remember thinking about the fact that we may never be able to have children and wondering how we would cope with that.
I don't know if you ever saw the movie Facing the Giants, but I remember watching that movie and God really speaking to my heart through that story. After watching that movie my perspective changed. I knew I had to be content through all circumstances and that I had to make the decision to love the Lord even if He called us to a different kind of life than what I envisioned for myself. Anyways, thank you for updating us and keep in touch! I'll keep you and your little one in my prayers.
Samantha, I just clicked over to your blog to see how your pregnancy is coming along...what a CUTE belly picture! You look adorable, and like you're glowing:o) I'll be excited to actually look pregnant instead of just like I've had a few too many cookies settle into the belly area:o)
Thanks for sharing your and Jim's experience. I saw Facing the Giants too, and thought it was very touching. There aren't too many movies (that I'm aware of anyway) that deal with the infertility issue, especially coming from a Christian perspective. I would like to say that I would have been content with continued infertility, but the truth was that I was loathe to accept that as a possibility! Hopefully, I could have accepted it within time if that turned out to be God's plan for us, but it would have been quite a struggle. I did pray for patience and direction quite a bit, because I was finding myself drifting without a clear purpose and didn't want to waste the time God was giving me without children. Let's just say I'm still working on this area...I have seven months left, and hope I can use it wisely!
What is your baby's due date? November? Oh, and thanks so much for praying for us!
Since about half of our family our unbelievers we are trying to be real with our infertility struggles (7 years) so that they can see that Christians have problems too. It has been a great witnessing tool to use since SO many people ask me if I have kids that it's a good segway to tell them that the Lord hasn't blessed us in that way, but He has blessed us with.....& I go on from there.
Best wishes for a healthy baby Erin!! Thanks for your sensitivity to other ladies who are waiting on the Lord for their children.
I can completely relate to what you are going through. I am not pregnant but I have had my own life struggles and often think I am the only one with these problems, yet looking at your blog and others lets me realize I am not the only one with problems in the world. Hope you enjoy being pregnant and have fun getting ready for this new stage in your life.
I have a confession to make...
After your first pregnancy post I unsubscribed from your blog. The reason being that I've been trying not to read anything about mothering because we are still trying to conceive a child after over six years. (no medical reasons) Lately it's been overwhelming me and reading about mothering, which has been my hobby for the past six years, does not help me get my mind off of it.
I have obviously been peeking over here at Simply Homemaking, though! I was looking forward to those posts about perfectionism. Uh...I mean-not that I need to read them or anything.:)
I don't say this to put pressure on you. I'll probably keep checking out your blog unless it becomes a stumbling block. Please don't avoid putting up photos and pregnancy posts just because I said all of this. By the way, your house sounds like mine at the moment...and I don't have anything to blame it on other than headaches and hypoglycemia.
Erin Bassett, (I don't know you)I liked what you said about "but He has blessed us with...". We say the first part but I've never used the second part of the sentence before. Thanks for the tip, if you happen to read this comment.
I am sorry for your struggles Erin...but grateful you have shared them. I completely agree that we we need to not pretend things are better than are when we write, becuase it ends up being unreal and so discouraging if we do that. Its funny, folks say they keep things positive all the time in order ~not~ to discourage, but what ~really~ discourages is when the real struggles are hidden and so we end up feeling we shouldnt be struggling but should be more "perfect".
I pray will be is a wonderful pregancy for you...and birth : )
Peaceful Weekend,
Wendy
Like Kerry, I have backed off from blogs that are all about pregnancy and babies...Especially the ones that make it all sound like 'sunshine and rainbows'. (o; I find that if I read too many of them I start becoming discontent with my own circumstances.
I appreciate your 'realness' Erin, I always have. You're such a genuinely-sweet lady and a very talented writer.--I have missed your posts.
I pray that your pregnancy is wonderful and I pray that you have a healthy baby. And I hope you know that I am genuinely happy for you and Micah. (o:
Blessings and Hugs,
~Mrs.B
Don't know if I have ever commented here or not, or even how I found your blog in the first place. =D I am a SAHM to two blessings and another on the way. I struggled with infertility for about as long as you did before getting pregnant. Fertility is something you don't truly appreciate until you realize how hard it is NOT to have it. I just wanted to add a note of encouragement, though. In spite of the fact that it does sometimes take me longer to get pregnant than many women, this spring we will be blessed to have three children ages three and under. =D
I had no idea that you were struggling with infertility. I thought you were putting off children by choice. You certainly didn't show your struggles through your blog.
I hope you're feeling a little better.
-Zan
Erin, thanks for sharing your update and also about your struggles! I appreciate how you are so "real" on your blog . . . and I understand about reading other blogs and thinking sometimes that other people have it all together. I think sometimes it's because (at least in my case) I only like to post pictures of my home, etc. when it's looking its best. :) And of course I feel more encouraged by my accomplishments (which seem few and far between) than my failures (which are many!). Reading your post was a good reminder that it might help others when I share my struggles and failures, too.
Just today, I was thrilled to finally find the bottom of my kitchen sink! I'd been keeping up with the dishes that could go in the dishwasher, but the pots and pans had really piled up in the last week or more. Ick! Anyway, it felt like a major accomplishment to tackle that pile and actually get them all washed. Yay!
I hope you are feeling better and that your energy increases soon. I have been so tired with my pregnancy so I can relate! I think we probably have fairly close due dates; it will be fun to be preggo buddies! I didn't know I was pregnant yet, back when I commented on your first pregnancy post . . . but God had a surprise in store for us! :) Lots of fun! Take care and hope you're having a great week!
I really appreciate all of you sharing your thoughts!
Erin, I really admire your perspective, and how you use this struggle as a witnessing opportunity! I'm sure it doesn't make things easier, but it does have a good chance of bearing fruit in others' lives. I know for me, what impresses me the most is watching somebody go through something hard and yet still demonstrate an attitude of faith and thankfulness for their blessings. Maybe because I have a hard time doing that sometimes...I tend to get bogged down in my troubles if I'm not careful. Anyway...I pray that God continues to bless you in the ways he already has, and also with the things you're still desiring!
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Deborah, you're certainly not the only one! I'm glad my blog could help you see that in some small way:o)
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Kerry, I completely understand, because I had to cut back on that type of reading material too. It just wasn't helping my attitude! I'm still hoping to get up some posts on perfectionism and other things soon. Although I do enjoy sharing happenings in my life, that's not really what I want this blog to be about as a rule. Thanks so much for sharing, and may God bless you richly!
Wendy, I really like this:
...folks say they keep things positive all the time in order ~not~ to discourage, but what ~really~ discourages is when the real struggles are hidden and so we end up feeling we shouldnt be struggling but should be more "perfect".
I couldn't agree more! I think there's a definite balance to strive for, because nobody wants to read of NOTHING BUT struggles either, but it does seem easier to err on the side of appearing too perfect sometimes! (At least for us perfectionists:op )
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Mrs. B, your words really mean a lot to me. I've always felt that God has blessed you with a special gift for encouragement (and you can't convince me otherwise, so better not try:o)!
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Ruth, I've heard many stories of people struggling for a long time--years even--and then going on to have multiple pregnancies in a short period of time! It's as if the body suddenly "gets it" all of the sudden...kinda funny! I'm glad it worked out that way for you, and it gives hope for the rest of us:o)
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Zan, sharing anything on this blog is akin to making a public announcement to all the ppl in "real life", so sometimes we have to be discreet until we're ready to do that:op Being a non-anonymous blogger has it's pros and cons! I do feel better on some days, but it definitely fluctuates. How are you feeling? In your last comment on here, you said you were still very sick and were concerned...has that cleared up yet? I sure hope so!
~~~
Carrie, yay...another pot-piler-upper! Hehe...sorry, but that's been an ongoing thing here at my house too. Doing handwashables and cleaning the bathtub are some of my least favorite things, so it takes a lot of will-power to stay ono top of them when my energy is already pretty low:op Hopefully we'll both get our energy back soon!
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