Update and some thoughts about struggling
Quick update on the pregnancy, and then maybe my hormone-addled brain can come up with something else to say;o)
I'm at about 8-1/2 weeks, and so far everything is going well. Just a few more weeks before I enter the 2nd trimester...I'm excited to reach that milestone! My fatigue continues, and the nausea has gotten worse, but so far I've been lucky enough to avoid throwing up.
An anonymous commenter suggested that I get my thyroid checked out, and I did take that advice. While it's true that I deal with many of the symptoms associated with a thyroid condition, we're very grateful that my THS blood level turned out to be exactly in the middle of the normal range. My midwife suggested that my symptoms are probably due to some other hormone imbalance that will hopefully correct itself with this pregnancy or with the right supplementation. I'm also hoping to start exercising a little more regularly, so Micah and I are looking into the possibility of getting a used treadmill. I would LOVE to have one, although it will be no easy task finding a place to put it in our tiny house!:op
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moving on, I had something else I wanted to share. The last year or so has not been an easy one for me, due in large part to our infertility struggle. I know I cannot possibly compare our experience of waiting 1.5 years to conceive with that of those who wait several years, or who are diagnosed with medical conditions that make conception impossible or unlikely, but the pain of unfulfilled longing is there nonetheless. And when you have not been tested for or diagnosed with any problems but still go months (which turns into a year and then starts inching towards two) without conceiving, it becomes difficult to deal with the ongoing uncertainty and frustration and worry. Innocent queries or teasing by well-meaning people become very painful. I also began finding it difficult to visit mommy-blogs, because all those pictures of sweet babies and cute kid anecdotes just reminded me that I was without one of my own.
Why am I sharing this? Well, it's certainly not to make any moms feel bad about posting those baby pictures! I'm sure that if God brings our little one safely into the world next May, I won't be able to keep from sharing my joy through pictures and stories, either! I know from experience that such things can be a source of sadness for someone, however, and I hope I never forget what that ache feels like, or cause unecessary pain through careless words or an unfeeling attitude.
This whole ordeal for me has been a firm reminder that I should never take my blessings for granted. There is always somebody who would give anything to have something that I have, and sometimes don't appreciate nearly enough. It's also a reminder that nobody is without some pain or struggle in their life...even when that pain isn't visible on the outside. In our case, Micah and I chose to deal with this struggle privately, with the exception of telling just a few close family members and friends. We have other struggles which we have been more open about--such as our overwhelming burden of school debt which has and is causing a lot of hardship--because we hope that our experience and the things we've learned can help keep others from having to going through the same things. But whether out in the open or not, everybody has some pain or difficulty. There is no such thing as a "perfect life" on this earth.
It's easy for me to look at some other person's life as portrayed on their blog and come away with the misconception that that person never struggles, or has it completely "all together" in a way that I never will. And even though I greatly value genuine authenticity, it's sometimes just a little too easy for me to portray only the happy and cheerful side of life on my own blog, rubbing off those jagged little corners that so inconveniently show that I'm a fallen person in need of God's grace. I don't want to do that! I don't want to have a blog full of gloom and doom either, because really...who wants to read that...but I want to be honest about the bad as well as the wonderful.
Let me just say this right now (!): I'll never be one of those energizer-bunny moms who accomplishes 1,265,788.7 things everyday. I'm terrible at waking up early, although I hope to soon be able to stop sleeping in until noon (can I just blame this on the pregnancy?). I'm naturally a perfectionist, and this is BAD. I'm not some SuperChristian who memorizes new Bible verses every week, and my prayers are too often hasty or forgotten. And my house looks like a pigsty right now, because I've completely let myself fall off the organization band-wagon (again, I'm hoping I can blame this on the pregnancy!). Over the past several months, I've been a horrible blogger...very bad at writing posts and answering comments in a timely manner. I won't go on...you get the point!
Whew...I'm glad to get that out of my system. Now I can go do those piled-up dishes so I'll actually be able to cook tomorrow...and yes, it is 11:00 at night!;o)
I'm at about 8-1/2 weeks, and so far everything is going well. Just a few more weeks before I enter the 2nd trimester...I'm excited to reach that milestone! My fatigue continues, and the nausea has gotten worse, but so far I've been lucky enough to avoid throwing up.
An anonymous commenter suggested that I get my thyroid checked out, and I did take that advice. While it's true that I deal with many of the symptoms associated with a thyroid condition, we're very grateful that my THS blood level turned out to be exactly in the middle of the normal range. My midwife suggested that my symptoms are probably due to some other hormone imbalance that will hopefully correct itself with this pregnancy or with the right supplementation. I'm also hoping to start exercising a little more regularly, so Micah and I are looking into the possibility of getting a used treadmill. I would LOVE to have one, although it will be no easy task finding a place to put it in our tiny house!:op
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moving on, I had something else I wanted to share. The last year or so has not been an easy one for me, due in large part to our infertility struggle. I know I cannot possibly compare our experience of waiting 1.5 years to conceive with that of those who wait several years, or who are diagnosed with medical conditions that make conception impossible or unlikely, but the pain of unfulfilled longing is there nonetheless. And when you have not been tested for or diagnosed with any problems but still go months (which turns into a year and then starts inching towards two) without conceiving, it becomes difficult to deal with the ongoing uncertainty and frustration and worry. Innocent queries or teasing by well-meaning people become very painful. I also began finding it difficult to visit mommy-blogs, because all those pictures of sweet babies and cute kid anecdotes just reminded me that I was without one of my own.
Why am I sharing this? Well, it's certainly not to make any moms feel bad about posting those baby pictures! I'm sure that if God brings our little one safely into the world next May, I won't be able to keep from sharing my joy through pictures and stories, either! I know from experience that such things can be a source of sadness for someone, however, and I hope I never forget what that ache feels like, or cause unecessary pain through careless words or an unfeeling attitude.
This whole ordeal for me has been a firm reminder that I should never take my blessings for granted. There is always somebody who would give anything to have something that I have, and sometimes don't appreciate nearly enough. It's also a reminder that nobody is without some pain or struggle in their life...even when that pain isn't visible on the outside. In our case, Micah and I chose to deal with this struggle privately, with the exception of telling just a few close family members and friends. We have other struggles which we have been more open about--such as our overwhelming burden of school debt which has and is causing a lot of hardship--because we hope that our experience and the things we've learned can help keep others from having to going through the same things. But whether out in the open or not, everybody has some pain or difficulty. There is no such thing as a "perfect life" on this earth.
It's easy for me to look at some other person's life as portrayed on their blog and come away with the misconception that that person never struggles, or has it completely "all together" in a way that I never will. And even though I greatly value genuine authenticity, it's sometimes just a little too easy for me to portray only the happy and cheerful side of life on my own blog, rubbing off those jagged little corners that so inconveniently show that I'm a fallen person in need of God's grace. I don't want to do that! I don't want to have a blog full of gloom and doom either, because really...who wants to read that...but I want to be honest about the bad as well as the wonderful.
Let me just say this right now (!): I'll never be one of those energizer-bunny moms who accomplishes 1,265,788.7 things everyday. I'm terrible at waking up early, although I hope to soon be able to stop sleeping in until noon (can I just blame this on the pregnancy?). I'm naturally a perfectionist, and this is BAD. I'm not some SuperChristian who memorizes new Bible verses every week, and my prayers are too often hasty or forgotten. And my house looks like a pigsty right now, because I've completely let myself fall off the organization band-wagon (again, I'm hoping I can blame this on the pregnancy!). Over the past several months, I've been a horrible blogger...very bad at writing posts and answering comments in a timely manner. I won't go on...you get the point!
Whew...I'm glad to get that out of my system. Now I can go do those piled-up dishes so I'll actually be able to cook tomorrow...and yes, it is 11:00 at night!;o)
Labels: My Life, On Struggling
